i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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