I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
