I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
