i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
