I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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