so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
