Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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