I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
