He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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