They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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