Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
