Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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