christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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