thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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