After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
