discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Text me some of your sweat
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