i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
