It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
