he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
