I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I bet he comes in French.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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