today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's rum buckets o'clock
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
