woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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