I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
