It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
