at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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