I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
