2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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