your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
