My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
