It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
