Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
