hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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