dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my shit smells like andre
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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