So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You can't motorboat a personality
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
