I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Be still, my beating vagina.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
