I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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