I want to have your abortion
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
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