Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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