best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
