Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
