The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
