How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
