Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
