I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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