to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
