I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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