he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
