My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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