i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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