im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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